No awkward lesbian experiences without me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
