Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
