I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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