OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
