You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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