Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
