FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
