I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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