Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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