She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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