so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Too much gin, very little bucket
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
