i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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