even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
