is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
