is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
