And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I bet he comes in French.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
