worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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