EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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