And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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