Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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