I wish my penis had an off switch
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
