Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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