And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
