My brain says no but my pants say off.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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