I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
