@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
