You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
