Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
