I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
