I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
