guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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