so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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