i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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