she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
