none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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