Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
