You can't motorboat a personality
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
