I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
