2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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