Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
