i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
