he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
