What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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