i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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