I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
