I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
