so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
