Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
