I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
