Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
