So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
