I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
