It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
