Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
this hospital has no fireball
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
