dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
